Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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