I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
