Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
