I have demons in me.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
