he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
