dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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