do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
