he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
