I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
