I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize