just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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