I'm eating all of the evidence.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
