you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
