Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
