we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
