her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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