If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I AM VODKA MAN
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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