apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
