You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
