Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
