I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
