i don't like sucking hair
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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