just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
