This dress was meant to end up on your floor
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
