In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
We are two peas in an std pod
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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