I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
