Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
