you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
i need some magic done to my vagina
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
