so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
