Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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