I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
