Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I want her autograph on my taint
It's official drugs can't kill me
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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