i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
