When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
