Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I wish they made helmets for livers.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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