I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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