When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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