It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
