So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
