I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Send help, water and tortillas.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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