I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Let's get the cat blown out
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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