Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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