i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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