so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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