And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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