Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
