so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
