smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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