Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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