you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
