Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
