I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
