his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
