My friends, they love my intelligence
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You should frame my arrest warrant.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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