She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
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