the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
