Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
