When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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