there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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