i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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