a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
