please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
